I’m a daughter, sister, wife and mother. The most important job title that I have ever held is that of mom. I loved being a stay at home mom and a housewife. All of my children are now grown and I am estranged from my oldest. He and his wife made the choice to go no contact several years ago. It has been one of the most gut wrenching things that has happened in my life. A child that grew in my womb and I nurtured into adulthood cut me out of his life with no warning. He and his family lived with us for sometime and upon moving out, went no contact. We have struggled to understand why this has happened because there was no conversation and they refuse to speak.
There is an epidemic of adult children abandoning their parents. Thousands upon thousands of good mothers and fathers are estranged from their adult children. Of course, there are cases where adult children need to cut off abusive parents, but this recent surge in estrangement has impacted amazing parents, too. The increase in divorce has impacted the number of adult children who have gone no contact with one or both of their parents, as well. The cultural shifts in marriage and focus on individual happiness over duty/obligation to family have also played a role in the break up of the families.
These good parents were far from perfect, but were never abusive. They now must live as if their children are dead. Parents who never missed a sports event, school event and who sacrificed to raise their children. They now grieve the loss of a child who is still living. These good parents also grieve the loss of being a part of their grandchildren’s lives.
Adult children often go no contact without so much as an explanation as to why. If you find yourself with an adult child who has cut off contact, I am writing this blog for you. There is strength in numbers and as more of us come forward to share our story, we bring light to an epidemic that needs national attention. We need mental health care professionals to take this epidemic seriously and to develop strategies to help keep families intact.
Parents need to accept the reality of the situation and focus on on their own lives . While the situation is not ideal, one can have a rich life full of love despite the loss of a living child. Therapy can help parents process shame, guilt and grief.
My oldest son has now been estranged for over 2 years. This blog is my journey of hope and healing. Sharing the brutal truth helps me to process and heal. It is my hope that others who come upon this site find healing and hope, too.
~Evelyn
Empty Nest, Full Heart, Lost Connections 