Empty Nest, Full Heart, Lost Connections

Random memories come back to me as I navigate the world of estrangement. I can honestly say that we never saw estrangement coming. The hurt is so deep because we would never cut one of our children off in a relationship sense. We loved them from birth!

Back in 2014 I spent the day crafting with my future daughter in law. We had a really fun day. My son was here hanging out with his father while we crafted. We made scrapbook pages and a few note cards. At the time, life was good and it seemed as if our son and his girlfriend had a decent relationship with us. I say decent because no relationship is perfect. While I do not know of any issues that were there at the time, 12 years later I wonder if I missed something?

The girlfriend stayed at the house and at one point before the wedding, moved in with us while she waited to move into an apartment. Am I wrong to look back and think, “They just used us AGAIN?” It is certainly what it feels like. We are good enough when they need a free place to stay.

Fast forward to current day and we are not even worth a text or phone call much less an in person visit. Radio silence.

Which brings me to a very controversial topic. The estranged adult children who sneak into the support groups lose their shit and attack posters on this said topic. Cutting estranged children out of the will. Yep. They lose their shit. They say, “This is why they are estranged!” “If you did this, then you are the problem!”. Well, I have a lot to say about this. Do you remember the soup Nazi from Seinfeld? “No soup for you!” he yelled.

While we love our son, his wife and their kids and might welcome them back if they decided they want a relationship again, we have cut them out of our will. If you hate us in life, you will not benefit from our retirement and savings in death! Hell to the NO! Even if you decide we are worthy of your attention as we age. Hell no, you won’t be back in. We won’t ever trust that these free loading moochers came back out of a pure desire to have a relationship. If they ever strike up a relationship again, we will be clear that they are out of the will. Then and only then would we know for certain we were not being used.

What these adult children need to understand: your parents may not welcome you back after your abusive treatment. Your parents sacrificed for you and loved you. Your parents sat at your ball games freezing their asses off, burning up on the extra hot days and even sitting with umbrellas in the rain. Your parents taxied your ass all over BFE and back. They fed you, clothed you and put up with your tantrums and teenage drama. After several years of silence, the relationship wold never be the same.

I know that I would never trust them. My husband feels the same way. Trust has been eroded. We do not want them taking care of us should something happen. They will have zero say in ANYTHING. They have shown us who they are and we do not trust that they would EVER have our best interests at heart. They do not deserve to be given a penny of our hard earned money if we should pass away. Not a penny. We have written a will that states their lack of inheritance is intentional.

Play stupid games, win stupid prizes. I am sure if we die they will say, “See they did not truly love us.” I call bullshit. We love you, son and daughter. But we are stupid enough to give people we hate our money and possessions any longer. It all goes to the children who love us in life. No inheritance for you!

~Evelyn