Empty Nest, Full Heart, Lost Connections

It’s very hard to go no contact back. Very hard. It is easier than getting nothing but hate filled rhetoric back, however. The hate really takes the wind out of your sails.

The last text that I sent to my son was simply to tell him that I love him. I got nothing but hatred back. I told him that I hoped he could forgive me one day. He said that he had but that just needed to be done and equated me to a murderer. That was such an insane comment to receive back. He and his wife claim they are not angry, but you do NOT treat people you love and care about in such a manner.

He told me that he blocked me, but I have never tried to call or text since that day to see if this is true. I continued to send gifts and cards to the grands, but don’t even know if they threw the stuff away or if he and his wife let the grands have the gifts. My husband just stays silent and doesn’t seem to be as affected by their behavior as am I.

These adult children who cut their parents off –if this is their idea of love, it is really scary. My son and his wife supposedly love us and are not angry with us….but they won’t have anything to do with us. It’s a strange way to treat family members you say you aren’t angry with! It is all so bizarre, this new age psychology.

After Christmas without anything from them, I felt like a total fool. My husband told me that they would not change their minds and I thought that somehow they would realize they had made a mistake in cutting us out. I never had a relationship with any of my grandparents. On my mother’s side, her mom died before I was born and her father when I was 5 or 6. My father did not have a relationship with his parents. I only met them 2 or 3 times in my entire life. They died before I graduated from high school. What I wouldn’t give to have a relationship with them.

I often think about how different life would have been if we had today’s technology back then. We had to pay for long-distance phone calls. I hope that when my grands get old enough to get their first phone that they will reach out to me. Maybe it won’t be until they are in college, but I can hope, right?

Every. Single. Day. I think about what I could have possibly done so wrong to deserve this treatment. We were not bad parents. I have read so many stories of parental alienation. I’m not talking about kids who alienate themselves from abusive parents. Good parents. Not perfect parents, but good parents. The statistics are quite sad.

Research indicates that parents estranged from their children, particularly those experiencing parental alienation, are at a significantly higher risk for suicidal ideation and attempts. Approximately 
47% to 50% of parents moderately to severely alienated from their children have considered suicide within the last year.

No, I am not thinking about harming myself. I’m talking about this statistic in order to highlight how much the grief hurts a loving parents’ hearts. These children don’t seem to care what their estrangement does to the parents who love them.

I remember all of the diapers I changed and the long nights I stayed up when my son was sick. How many times did I clean up his vomit? Too many times to count. I was a mom taxi for years and years. Cook and maid. I did all of these things with love. My husband worked hard to support his family while I ran the household. We were not perfect, but we loved our kids.

My son ended our relationship with him via text. I finally decided to respect is wishes and have gone no contact. It took two years for me to finally realize it was best to just give him what he wants.

~Evelyn