Empty Nest, Full Heart, Lost Connections

Just as I am a work in progress, so is this blog. After being estranged from my son, his wife and my grandchildren for two years, I decided to create a space online for parents to come for resources and support. While I have joined a support group, I have not found an online space dedicated to documenting resources as well as documenting the journey.

I had no idea that life would end up this way. While my husband I were not perfect parents, we were not abusive. Over the last several years, I realized that there is an estrangement epidemic. Adult children are cutting off good parents who were not abusive in alarming numbers. Parents who watched every sporting event, drove them all over the place and made sure they had good childhoods. These children are now turning against their parents because of minor imperfections they find to be annoying.

I am not talking about abuse. I grew up in an abusive home and did not cut my parents out of my life completely. My parents were alcoholics and physically abusive. My brothers were in and out of jail and were physically abusive to me. My youngest brother molested me. Just to give you an idea. Yet, I never cut my parents completely off. When they would rant and call me horrible things as an adult — whore, stupid, etc – I would limit contact. If they started yelling, I would leave. I let them see my kids– but never alone.

If you do a web search, you find parents and their kids talking about this estrangement epidemic. Many of the adult kids will say, “They are annoying” or talk about some boundary that was broken. “Mental health” is another big reason they of no contact. Many times it is the adult chid’s spouse who breaks the ties.

I’m all for mental health. However, these kids do not learn to deal with challenges because they are always running away from them. Life is not perfect. There is no perfect job, wife, family, parent or person. We are all imperfect people trying to life on planet earth.

I was told by my son that I was annoying. Yet, not annoying enough for them NOT to live with me for a while. I was fine and dandy when they needed a free place to stay with their kids. But the second they moved out, I wasn’t good enough to have a relationship with. I was good enough to babysit the kids, cook for them, do crafts with them while they were living with me. Then it all went dark. This is called being used.

I wasn’t crazy when they needed something from me. They did not like my life style choices. They didn’t like my social media posts or my blog. I’m a grown adult and don’t need their permission about what I choose to share online. Especially when they have a very large social media presence and post things they didn’t want me posting. Hypocritical, in my opinion.

These children are ungrateful. Self-centered and manipulative. They believe they are the be all and end all. They believe the world revolves around them and anything remotely displeasing to their psyche is deemed to be “traumatic”. Everything is a trauma. EVERYTHING.

If you are estranged from a child, you are not alone. You can heal. Life will be good again!

~Evelyn