Empty Nest, Full Heart, Lost Connections

Happy Easter to everyone! Easter is a hard time to cope with an estranged adult child and grandchildren, isn’t it? I remember all of the wonderful Easter traditions our family has had over the years. Every Easter, we did the resurrection eggs as part of our Good Friday and Holy Saturday traditions. The boys loved the resurrection eggs and later, the grandkids had fun with them when they visited at Easter.

Every year, we colored eggs. I was always coming up with a new way to dye them. We sometimes used the tablets or food coloring. One year we used all natural things to dye the eggs — onion skins, grass, flowers, blueberries, raspberries, etc. It was SO much fun. Every year, we made a lamb shaped cake, too. Of course, every Easter, the Easter Bunny brings baskets with candy and toys!

It’s always been a tradition to make lamb on Easter Sunday, too. Traditionally I roasted a leg of lamb. Last year, we smoked it in our smoker. This year we will grill lamb chops. It’s a wonderful tradition and my son who still lives with us LOVES lamb.

I wonder where we went wrong? For the life of me, I don’t fucking know. We were not abusive. We have always been attentive, good parents. Yet here we are celebrating another Easter without our son and his family. When I talk with my therapist, I always ask, “What did I do that was so horrible to deserve this punishment?” Therapy is personal and my husband does not go to therapy, so I can only speak for myself. I have so many questions. I honestly do not know what I did so horribly wrong to deserve this brutal punishment.

My grandkids are growing up without getting to know us. I wonder if they ever think of us and wonder why we are no longer part of their lives? We used to be. What do the kids tel them about us? Will we ever get to see them again? Will they remember us?

If you are reading this, it is okay to feel how you feel. I love Jesus, but I also cuss a little. Not being able to share family traditions with my grandkids is one of the things that really hurts deep down in my soul. I am not a horrible person. I am not perfect, but I do have a lot to offer my grandkids.

We will have a small family celebration on Sunday without my oldest son and his family. We will gather around the table to give thanks and celebrate the resurrection of Jesus. It’s not the same without his family, but time marches on. We continue to live life and to celebrate all of the wonderful things life has to offer– even when we miss him and his family, it can still be good.

If you are struggling to celebrate holidays without your estranged child, please remember that they can still be happy. They will always be different without your child, but it doesn’t mean you cannot have joy.

Wishing you peace and many blessings this Easter season.

~Evelyn